Unfortunately, there are some mothers out there who feel their way is the only way. And in turn, they treat mothers who don’t parent the same way they do as if they are inferior. This post is for all the judgmental mommas out there who think they are better than others. Hopefully you all take this letter to heart and begin to support the mommy community instead of mom shaming. For those of you who don’t- *NEWSFLASH* you’re a biatch.

Dear Judgy Ass Mothers,

Stop giving me unsolicited advice. I know the bag of Doritos I packed in my son’s lunchbox isn’t organic. The organic chips were $8 more and they taste like shit. I try to incorporate healthy foods as often as possible but unless you’re going to foot the bill, do me a favor and shut the fuck up.

I’m a screen time mom. It is what it is. I commend the fact that you can entertain your toddler for hours a day while also washing clothes, making dinner and cleaning up. However, I’m not that talented. So leave me alone and let my child watch Boss Baby in peace.

JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN IS NOT MARRIED DOESN’T MEAN SHE ISN’T FIT FOR PARENTHOOD. Sorry, guys. I had to scream that one so the people in back could hear. Although I am married now, before marriage I endured countless years of judgement from other moms because they were married and I was not. I need you all to listen very carefully to what I am about to say: I am just as capable of being a good parent as you are with or without a husband.  And FYI, just because there is not a ring on a woman’s finger and she has a child, that doesn’t make her a hoe.

Yes. I am getting my children fast food for dinner tonight. Not because I want to, but because I just left a full day of work, picked up two preteens from school and a toddler from daycare. One child has basketball practice and the other has boy scouts, so by the time I get home it’s close to 8:30 pm. Now riddle me this. Who in THEE fuck is about to cook a full dinner while still having  to help with homework, make  sure everyone has bathed, put the baby to sleep and carve out a little time to get my funky ass in shower. Girl, bye. Big Macs for the win. 

I am well aware of the fact that school will be out in a month and I should’ve signed up for camps months ago. I don’t need a reminder.

Yes, I know. My child’s socks do not match. I’m not sure how you manage to keep all of the pairs together but in my house they all go missing. I don’t have time to go on a Sherlock Holmes mission to solve the case of the missing socks. All I care about is that my children’s feet are warm. Besides, isn’t mix and match in right now?

I know my hair is a mess and I have toothpaste on my shirt. The baby slept two hours last night, my middle child didn’t tell me he had a report due today until 7pm last night and my boss is getting on my last nerve. Cut me some slack.

Stop asking me how old my oldest child is and then, while making the most exaggerated surprised face ever, say “Wow. You started early.” Everyone knows that you don’t mean that as a compliment, Susan. Don’t forget that my “early” ass is paying just as much in school tuition as you are.

Don’t give me the stink eye when I pull up late to the school for the 2^nd time this week. I’m hard enough on myself about my child’s tardiness and I’m truly working on it. I don’t need you trying to make me feel bad too.

Just because my toddler is screaming his head off in the middle of the grocery store doesn’t mean that he’s a brat. He missed his morning nap, it’s 20 minutes till bed time and the hard ass grocery cart seat he’s been sitting in for the past 25 minutes is starting to get to him. Mind your business.

Yes, I have tattoos. Does that make me a bad mom? No. My husband has full tattooed sleeves on both arms. Does that make him a bad dad? No. Just means he’s artistic or some shit like that.

I scream for my child at his basketball games because he’s my special baby and I’m proud of him. Don’t like it? Wear some ear plugs. Cause mama ain’t stoppin’ no time soon.

These are only a few of the many judgmental innuendos that come to mind. However, at least for me, they are some of the most hurtful and annoying. Next time you decided to stick your nose up to another fellow momma who is not parenting to your standards, remember that she carried her child for 9 months just like you. She has endured countless sleepless nights due to a teething baby just like you. AND she is doing her best to raise her children.  Just. Like. You.

Spend more time uplifting other mothers rather than breaking them down. There is no manual on mommyhood. We’re all just winging it. So get off your high horse, throw on some sweat pants and come join the mommy community. Just make sure to leave your judgement at the door.

Sincerely,

The Funny Momma

PS. I am buying grocery store cupcakes for the school bake sale. Sure I could bake them myself but let’s get real. I got shit to do.

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