08 May The Greatest Of All Time: A Thank You Letter to My Mom

My mother is single handedly the greatest human being on planet earth. I know everyone feels that way about their mom, and there is no doubt in my mind that there are millions of incredible mothers out there.  However my mom, she’s the shit. She’s kind, honest, loving and she genuinely cares about the well-being of everyone she comes in contact with. So this week, in honor of Mother’s Day, I wanted to write her a thank you letter. In Funny Momma fashion, of course.

Dear Mami,

I know I don’t say it as often as I should, but I appreciate and love you more than I could ever explain with words. But that’s not going to stop me from trying:)

Thank you for teaching me the importance of hard work and dedication.

Thank you for still paying my phone bill. You’re the G.O.A.T. for real, for real.

Thank you for cutting my bangs when I was in the 5^th grade, even though you warned me that it wasn’t the best move with my unruly, curly hair. After going against your advice and insisting on the bangs, I learned that mother really does always know best because I ended up looking like a damn fool.

Thank you for always supporting me in any decision I make.

Thank you for being the queen of throwing shoes at your children when they’re not listening. I think you’ve literally knocked some sense into my head more than a couple of times.

Thank you for teaching me how to perfect the mom death stare. Now I use it on my own children and it is quite effective.

Thank you for not following through with your threats of sending me to boarding school. I know I was a complete pain in the ass and got in trouble in school nearly every day, so it had to be pretty hard for you to refrain from putting me up for adoption.

Thank you for always sliding me some cash whenever I overspend on Amazon and/or Children’s Place and miscalculate how much money is actually in my account. Oopsy.

Thank you for teaching me to march to the beat of my own drum.

Thank you for always calming me down when I call you crying and freaking out about something very small and minute. You say the words “calm down and get your shit together” so eloquently.

Thank you for teaching me to never let a man define me.

Thank you for teaching me that when putting together an ensemble you should only show one of the following at a time: boobs, thigh or mid-drift.  If you show more than one, you will most certainly look like a lady of the night. This tip alone has kept me classy throughout my entire life.

Thank you for accepting and loving all of my friends as if they were your own children.

Thank you for making the decision to wax my unibrow when I was 11. If it wasn’t for you,  I would’ve walked into 7^th grade looking like Eddy Munster.

Thank you for teaching me to acknowledge and understand my worth, and never settle for less.

Thank you for always encouraging me to dress for my body type and not to just follow the trends. If it wasn’t for that bit of advice, I would’ve surely attempted the “boyfriend jean” look and walked out of the house looking like SpongeBob. 

Thank you for teaching me how to be a leader.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of always looking my best. Thanks to you, I have never unexpectedly run into an ex who doesn’t instantly kick himself for letting me slip away. 

Thank you for being my biggest hype man at any dance/band recital, sports activity or karaoke performance I’ve ever had. DJ Khaled don’t got nothin’ on you.

Thank you for teaching me that women can not only do anything a man can do, but we can do it better.  

Thank you for chopping off all of my hair that time that you caught me when I snuck out the house. Not only did I learn a very valuable lesson about the consequences of leaving the house without permission, I also learned that my face is way too long to rock a bob.

Thank you for teaching me to unapologetically love myself.

Thank you for always encouraging me to find my own style and allowing me to dress myself no matter how utterly ridiculous I looked when I walked out of the house. “Doesn’t matter if the pants are electric blue and the shirt is burnt orange, honey. You can wear any solid colors together and it will go.”

Thank you for teaching me that family is the single most important factor in our lives.

Thank you for always lending a listening ear and giving me unbiased advice about anything I am going through. I value your opinion more than anyone else in the world.

Thank you for being an incredible mother.  My sisters and I are the luckiest kids on the planet because God chose you as our mom.

I love you so much Mami.

PS. Can I borrow $50 till Friday? Children’s Place had a sale over the weekend and I went a little crazy.