Beauty Archives - The Funny Momma https://thefunnymomma.com/category/beauty/ Real Mom. Real Stories. Real Funny. Mon, 05 Oct 2020 23:27:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.3 Top 7 Hair Tools https://thefunnymomma.com/top-7-hair-tools/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-7-hair-tools https://thefunnymomma.com/top-7-hair-tools/#respond Tue, 09 Apr 2019 22:18:21 +0000 https://thefunnymomma.com/?p=1856 Let me start by saying that I am not a beauty influencer just a curly girl who is on a mission to get some bomb ass curls. So if you are a pro at curly hair, these tools may be a given. But for those of you who have struggled to find your best curly self- this one is for you, Boo.

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Let me start by saying that I am not a beauty influencer just a curly girl who is on a mission to get some bomb ass curls. So if you are a pro at curly hair, these tools may be a given. But for those of you who have struggled to find your best curly self- this one is for you, Boo. I’ve received a lot of questions regarding my hair routine and there are a lot of answers so I thought we’d start not with actual products but the tools I use to manage and maintain my hair every day. Don’t worry though. The product post is coming soon:) When I was younger, my curls were EVERYTHING! But then I discovered the magic that is a Dominican blowout and completely sacrificed my perfectly coiled tresses to the blow-dryerL After years and years of heat damage, I finally decided toss out the flat iron and focus on developing and nurturing my curls again. It’s been 6 months since my last blow dry and I am FINALLY starting to see results. I tried so many different products and after a while, I saw very promising results. But what I quickly learned was that the products aren’t the only contributing factor to good hair. The tools you use to manage and maintain those curls are just as important. Below is the list of tools I use almost every day and my hair has fallen in love with them.

1. Hair Scalp Massager Shampoo Brush

This is probably the best purchase I’ve made all year. I HATE washing my hair not only because I’m lazy as hell but mainly because I never felt like I could truly get it clean as clean as when I get my hair washed at the salon. As a curly girl, you use loads of products on a weekly basis so the product buildup can be so real! The soft, silicone bristles on this handy, little tool gently scrubs my hair clean while giving me a mini massage at the same time. I don’t have to worry about my arms hurting or wasting shampoo because I no longer have to do multiple washings in one sitting. This is my favorite product on this list HANDS DOWN!

2. Denman 9-Row Styling Brush

Even product distribution is a MUST when it comes to defined curls. This brush helps so much with that. After applying product to you hair, use this brush to comb through and coat your strands evenly. PS. I only use this brush for product distribution and my hair has to be super wet. I do not recommend this brush for use on dry hair or to detangle.

3.Wet Brush

This is what I use to detangle my hair. This brush is a God send for curly girls because it doesn’t rip your hair to detangle, it easily glides through and eases through the tangles. I use this particular brush after I apply my conditioner or deep conditioner to help with the tangles. It is also gentle enough for my toddlers fine hair so that’s definitely a mom win!

4.Luxe Beauty Essentials Microfiber Hair Towel

One big no-no I was making on a consistent basis was using a regular towel to dry my hair. Not only do they increase frizz and pull at your tresses, they also dry your hair out. And the first rule of beautiful curls- moisturized hair. This towel does not tug or pull hair and only removes excess water not all moisture. I saw a HUGE difference in my curl pattern and frizz reduction after I started drying my hair with this bad boy.

5. Xtava Black Orchid Large Hair Diffuser

Although I try to stay away from the blow-dryer as often as possible, there are times when I’m on a time crunch and can’t wait for my hair to air dry. This is my go-to diffuser because it dries my hair so quickly without sacrificing definition and also helps to manage frizz. It’s also HUGE so it’s perfect for curly girls with A LOT of hair. I normally start with cool air and give it a quick once-over and then alternate between warm and cool. I only dry until my hair is about 75% of the way dry and then let the rest air dry. Side note- The Black Orchid Diffuser is not a universal fit for all hair dryers. It has a 1.8 inch diameter / 6 Inch Circumference and will securely attach to any hair dryer with the same diameter. I made that mistake and ended up having to literally duct tape my diffuser to my blow-dryer- it was a mess. BUT the diffuser still worked like a damn charm lol.oy.

6. Satin Bonnet

I never in my life slept with a satin bonnet on until about 2 months ago and now I can’t sleep without it! I noticed such a huge difference in my next day hair routine. It was quicker and still looked almost as good as it did the day before. This bonnet is so big which is awesome when you have a lot of hair. I just flip my head over, slip the bonnet on and stuff my curls inside. The satin protects your ends from splitting and protects the natural oils in your hair as pillow cases and bed sheets tend to absorb them all. Protect the curls ya’ll!

7. Fancy Shower Cap for Deep Conditioning

I deep condition my hair every Sunday and leave it in overnight. At around 4pm I wash my hair, put in the deep conditioner and walk around all day in an ugly ass shower cap that I’ve had for YEARS! I then proceed to the grocery store where I almost always bump into my neighbors who just look at me in shock. I just found this super cute shower on Amazon and ordered it today because I can’t let the people in my neighborhood seeing me look so bootleg every Sunday lol. Even if you don’t get this one, it’s important to use a shower cap to seal in the deep conditioner to make sure it locks in the moisture. This one was so damn cute, I had to share:)

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My Top 7 Skin Care Tools https://thefunnymomma.com/my-top-7-skin-care-tools/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=my-top-7-skin-care-tools https://thefunnymomma.com/my-top-7-skin-care-tools/#respond Tue, 26 Mar 2019 16:26:11 +0000 https://thefunnymomma.com/?p=1790 Skin care was never anything I truly invested myself in until I got older. When I hit 30, my skin forced me to find the best tools to fight adult acne, discoloration and fine lines. After two years, I think I finally have it down to a science. So if you have super sensitive skin with a bit of discoloration and a few fine lines sprinkled in here and there, this is the post for you.

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Skin care was never anything I truly invested myself in until I got older. When I hit 30, my skin forced me to find the best tools to fight adult acne, discoloration and fine lines. After two years, I think I finally have it down to a science. So if you have super sensitive skin with a bit of discoloration and a few fine lines sprinkled in here and there, this is the post for you.

Ps. I didn’t list it below but the absolute best thing you can do for your skin is drink water. I try to drink at least 2-3 liters a day. It flushes out toxins and keeps skin hydrated.

7.  Rose Quartz Roller

I have to admit that this is one of my skin care guilty pleasures. This little roller feels like a cool, mini massage on your face. The coolness of the stone closes pores and the roller promotes blood circulation, which can reduce puffiness and wrinkling.

This nifty little tool is great for puffiness in the face or under eyes.

6. Mario Badescu Facial Spray with Aloe Herbs and Rosewater

I LOVE this spray especially during the changing of the seasons when skin gets all wonky. It’s formulated with fragrant Herbal Extracts and Rosewater for a pleasant, pick me up for dehydrated, tight and uncomfortable skin.

I use this spray every night and morning before applying my moisturizer and after I apply my make up to give me a nice, dewy glow.

5. Aquaphor Healing Ointment

I know what you’re thinking. Why in the hell is she posting baby diaper ointment? I discovered the amazing healing properties of Aquaphor quite some time ago. It’s clinically proven to restore smooth, healthy skin and uniquely formulated with 41% Petrolatum to allow oxygen to flow and help heal the skin. So it is perfect for some nighttime lip healing!

I put this on every night before bed and wake up with perfectly plump and moisturized lips. It’s also a really good base under lipstick AND helps a lot if you have eczema.

4. Neutrogena Healthy Skin Face Lotion

Moisturizing your skin every night and morning is so very important not only to retain moisture but to prevent wrinkles! I’m not getting any younger so I need all the help I can get! This face lotion is made with alpha hydroxy acid, an effective skin care ingredient to help reduce the appearance of fine lines, as well as Vitamin C, Vitamin E and Pro-Vitamin B5 to smooth dull, rough, damaged and uneven skin. Ummm YES PLEASE!

The Healthy Skin Lotion also contains Broad Spectrum SPF 15 to help protect skin against sun’s damaging rays and improve the texture and appearance of skin! Can you say “WIN”?

3. Tropic Isle Living Jamaican Black Castor Oil

Back in my younger days, I never appreciated my full thick eyebrows. It didn’t help that the trend back them was razor thin brows. Now, years later, I’m stuck with patchy, thin eyebrows and wishing I still had those full, beautiful brows of the past.

This castor oil is a godsend. It helps to strengthen hair follicles to promote strong, healthy, and beautiful hair. I apply it every night with a q-tip on the areas that I want to promote growth on my brows. I also used this a lot after the birth of my youngest son because I lost so much hair. It helped my hair grow quicker and fuller in just a few months.

2. Neutrogena Fresh Foaming Facial Cleanser & Makeup Remover

Before 30, I would only wash my face with a dove soap bar and I was good to go. But the moment I hit 30, adult acne hit me HARD! I wasn’t able to use just anything because my skin is super sensitive. After trying multiple cleansers, I finally found and fell in love with this one! My face cleared up after just a few days of using this product.

The Fresh Foaming Cleanser easily removes makeup while giving you clearer and healthier skin. This dermatologist-tested formula effectively deeply cleans pores to remove dirt, oil and makeup from your face. It even removes eye makeup, without soaps or oils that can sting or irritate the sensitive eye area. It rinses completely and won’t leave any pore-clogging residue.

1. OLLY Restful Sleep Gummy Supplement

This one is going to sound crazy because sleep gummies and skin care are normally not used in the same sentence. But sleep is SO important to skin health. I have terrible insomnia which led to pastie and deep, dark under eye circles. I knew I had to figure something out because my skin was suffering.

These melatonin gummies, with L-Theanine and botanicals like chamomile and lemon balm, help boost your natural sleep hormone, encourage a calm feeling, and support a healthy sleep cycle, making it easier for you to fall asleep. It’s not like ZzzQuil that will put you into a coma. This just eases you into a nice sleep and you won’t feel groggy in the morning. I only take one a night and it does the trick.

After one week of taking these vitamins and getting more sleep, my skin evened out and brightened. It’s crazy how much sleep plays a role in skin care.

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Postpartum Weight Loss- How I lost 33lbs. https://thefunnymomma.com/postpartum-weight-loss-lost-33lbs/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=postpartum-weight-loss-lost-33lbs https://thefunnymomma.com/postpartum-weight-loss-lost-33lbs/#comments Thu, 15 Mar 2018 20:41:30 +0000 https://thefunnymomma.com/?p=1020 You guys asked for it, so here it is. The way that I lost all of the baby weight and it’s pretty simple. But you have to be pretty strict....

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You guys asked for it, so here it is. The way that I lost all of the baby weight and it’s pretty simple. But you have to be pretty strict. At least for 3 weeks. I like to call it the Detox from Hell but it has proven to be rather efficient.

Sidenote: I am not a nutritionist or doctor. This is just what worked for me.

I found it on Pinterest and it is called the 21 day sugar detox. It’s basically just a chart that tells you what to eat, what not to eat and what you can have in moderation. I’ve attached it to the bottom of this blog post. But that’s only for 21 days and although I did lose 33 pounds after baby, I cannot be that strict for the rest of my life. So below I’m going to tell you what to do if you’re trying to lose a shit-ton of weight versus if you’re just trying to maintain or trim off that five little extra pounds.

Alright. Let’s do this.

SUGARS- NO SUGAR AT ALL! That means no white sugar, no brown sugar and no natural sugars (honey, agave, brown rice syrup). At least not until you are satisfied with your weight loss. Sugar is the biggest culprit of unwanted weight gain so Cut. That. Shit. Out. Now that I am off the detox I use natural sweeteners in my tea/coffee or Splenda. Just one. Don’t go crazy ya’ crackhead.

WATER – Drink plenty of water. I’m not talking one 16 ounce bottle of water a day. I’m talking at least a gallon a day. Starting will be very difficult. You’ll feel like a fish and you’ll feel like giving up but water is key. When I first started, I set an alarm on my phone for every 30 minutes to alert me that I needed to drink more water. That really helped me with finishing the bottle by the end the day. Water not only helps to flush out your system, it makes you more regular AND it helps your skin glow. Especially if you booze it up like I do. Water is your friend.

 

JUICE AND SODA- These two mother fuckers are a weight-loss nightmare. No matter how strict you are on a diet, if you are still drinking soda and juice (even if it’s diet soda) you will sabotage your weight loss results. They are packed with sugar and provide really no nutritional value. If you HAVE to drink juice, limit it to ½ cup a day, add water to it and make sure that it says 100% juice. But I would highly suggest cutting juice out all the way. Unless you’re mixing it with vodka- have at it.

RICE, POTATOES, PASTA, AND BREAD- These four items are my absolute favorite foods in the entire world. You know who else loves rice, potatoes, pasta and bread? My love handles, mom pouch and back rolls. Keep these foods at a minimum. Now if you’re really trying to lose a large amount of weight I would remove them from your diet completely for at least 21 days. But if you’re just trying to maintain or lose an extra 5 pounds ditch the pasta, ditch the potatoes, and switch out your bread and white rice for whole-grain bread and brown rice. I allow myself a half cup of whole grain brown rice a day. I only have pasta about once a month and I don’t eat bread that often at all. My Kryptonite, however, is potatoes. I love potatoes anyway you give them to me: fried, slathered in cheese and bacon, baked, or even just chips, I really don’t give a fuck. I just love potatoes. BUT I only allow myself to eat them probably once every two weeks.

FRUIT- I know. I know. Fruit is supposed to be healthy. And in moderation it can be. However, fruit contains a ton of natural sugars and when you’re trying to lose weight the sugar helps store the fat and not get rid of it. So if you are trying to lose a good amount of weight, take out the fruit all together. You get one green tip banana a day or one green apple a day. The reason why it’s important for the banana to be green tipped is because it has not developed a lot of its sugar yet. If you eat a yellow banana or one that has some browning, they contain a lot of sugar and will set your diet back.

Now that I am just maintaining, I allow myself to eat whatever fruits I want on a daily basis. That normally consist of strawberries, blackberries, raspberries and bananas. But I only have them in moderation. So I have them for breakfast or have them for a snack. You can also have smoothies but make sure you request no sugar added if you are not making it at home.

ALCOHOL- Take my hand. We’ll do this one together. This is going to kill you guys, because it kills me to say but if you want to lose weight- cut out alcohol. Even wine. Dear, God. Let me take a seat.

Alcohol is basically a magnet for fat. They go together like two peas in a bitch-ass pod. But it’s only 21 days and the results are totally worth it. Once the 21 days is completed, you can incorporate wine (or at least I did). I really only drink wine now. Some people may disagree and say wine has a lot of calories but, at least for me, I’m fine if I have three or four or five glasses of wine a week. Don’t judge my life. I have kids.

TIPS ON HOW TO SURVIVE THE DETOX  FROM HELL

-VEGGIES, VEGGIES AND MORE VEGGIES- Dark green veggies are the best because they help give you essential vitamins and help clean out your system/ keep you regular. Make sure to always have fresh vegetables or even the frozen vegetables on hand. I always buy a big container of organic lettuce and Olive Garden salad dressing and that is basically my go-to “after dinner snack”. You can also roast vegetables in advance and have them to snack on.

-Maintaining a healthy lifestyle and having children and a husband who do not agree with that lifestyle can prove to be difficult but it is not impossible. I rarely make pasta in my house, unless I literally have nothing else to eat. I always make a protein, a veggie and a starch. If I making something with white rice I just make myself a small batch of brown rice on the side otherwise I only eat the protein and the veggie.

-Another issue I find is having tempting snacks in the house. I have to buy snacks for my kids, and my biggest kid of all, my husband. I make sure they are snacks that I do not like so that way I’m not tempted to eat any of them. The only time I have a hard time resisting is if I buy a bag of potato chips but I just get those in nasty flavors so I can easily resist them *evil laugh*.

-I am a bacon fanatic. I am a pork fanatic. If this swine it’s mine (I’m actually contemplating getting that tattooed on my butt cheek). I love bacon. And on this diet I can eat it every day if I want. There is this beautiful little gem of a snack that I absolutely adore and it’s called bacon jerky. I am normally not a jerky fan at all but my cousin, Tiffany, had me try bacon jerky and let me tell you it is a Godsend. She calls it pocket bacon. And I can’t think of a more fitting name. It’s just bacon on the go. So when I have my cravings for chips, or any kind of salty midday snack, I just pull out my pocket bacon and go at it.

-Another snack that I like to make myself is deviled eggs. You can have mayonnaise as it’s just oil and eggs really. The only thing you have to be careful with is relish. Make sure that it is not the sweet relish. You can only use the dill relish because the sweet relish has a shit ton of sugar in it.

-I am also a huge fan of meatballs and it can be prepared in advance so you can eat as a snack during the week. So I buy a package of the Italian sausage/beef meatballs and prepare it with a jar of my favorite tomato sauce (be careful because a lot of tomato sauces have a ton of sugar in them). I store them in the fridge for whenever I get hungry or want a quick snack.

-Hummus is another go to for me. I eat hummus with carrots sticks or cucumber slices and trick myself into believing that they are chips. It will take a couple of days for you to get over the fact that they are not chips, but once you get used to eating healthier they will be a delectable delicacy.

-Crust-less quiche. I make quiche a lot and it is not difficult to make at all. I make all kinds of flavors each week so that each morning I just heat up a slice and I can take it with me to go. If you want me to do a recipe for quiche leave a comment below and I got you, boo.

-Don’t eat anything after 8 PM. I have to admit that I still struggle with this on a regular basis. I love snacks while watching TV but I find that I lose and maintain the best when I don’t eat terribly after 8 PM.

If you put your big girl panties on and attempt the 21 sugar detox you won’t regret it. Furthermore, you probably won’t crave half of the sugar and carbs that you do now once you’ve actually completed the 21 days.

All right so that’s all I could think of right now. But if you have any specific questions leave me a comment, or send me a DM on Instagram or Facebook, and I will thoroughly answer your questions to the best of my ability. I hope this helps you all!

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